desperate times call for cheesecake.

Before I left Chicago, I paid a last visit to my college career counselor, whose upfront frankness I have a love/hate relationship with.

Sitting before her with my .0001 margin resume, I sweated out my woes of leaving behind the world of steady direct deposit. I fumbled over my carefully paper clipped stack of papers, marked with a bright yellow post it: "Jobs: Applied". I think the word "applied" was underlined, making it clear: See? I've applied for jobs. I'm a go getter. I print out the job descriptions and keep them in a file. I'm very on top of this.

Now that I look back on it, the post it probably tipped her off to my insanity.

After she ridiculed me for trying to take advantage of every square inch of my resume, she gave me this advice:

People do not fall in love with desperate people.
People do not hire desperate people.

Ok then. Thank you.

I've been trying it out as ammunition for raising my spirits---do not feel desperate! feel powerful! feel skillful! feel desirable! And I've had a couple of great fake moments where I smile and walk taller and think about words like "possibilities" and "adventure" and "unknown" without breaking into tears.

But today, in a moment of this so called desperation, I really thought about this advice.

Is it crazy to think that both systems--finding a job and falling in love--are actually set up to create desperation?

"Well, I got laid off, you know, which is difficult in this time of such lousy economy, but I've got to be honest---I really enjoy having this time to pursue want ads and I've especially enjoyed explaining my situation over and over to people. It's refreshing, you know."

Looking for work and love aren't too far off from one another. Interviews and first dates live parallel lives: we shamelessly self promote ourselves while not wanting the other party to know about the time you called in sick three days in a row because you became passionately addicted to Queer as Folk and Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey.

It's ideal to think that in the equation you're always the "people," choosing not to fall in love with desperate people or hire them, for pete's sake.

But the coin flips, and you find yourself looking for that perfect one. The one with a dental plan and a great sense of humor.

A couple of weeks ago me and my girl ate dinner at an outdoor cafe. Behind us sat a middle aged woman and a middle aged man. He sat with a yellow legal pad and sipped tea while she rambled and he scribbled something sporadically. At the end of their conversation, they stood and she awkwardly shook his hand. "Either way, whatever you decide, please, if you can just let me know, well, that'd be great, either way." Her voice shook as bad as her hands.

I hated the yellow legal pad with the notes about the woman that was not going to be hired for this job that she desperately wanted.

I had to resist hollering down the street after her, "You don't need him!"

But it's really what we all need to hear.